Wednesday, November 15, 2006



Fairy Tales

"Fairy Tales" It's only a title, and I wish I live in fairy tales world so I don't have to feel all the pain, I don't have to feel sad, being sorrow,confused,angry,hurt...
I'm so hurt to see someone that I love is getting hurt; I'm so hurt to see someone that I love feels nothing. I'm so angry to see everybody is leaving him because he has no power anymore, because he's not 100 % man as he used to be. No body is perfect right, so what's wrong with him, if he's not a man that he used to be.
Can everybody understands me if I choose him??? No matter what happen with him... To tell you the truth I have fears inside and I have to battle with those fears, I hope I can survive and I can ease his pain and take away his tears and make him smile. The only happiness that I have when I see him happy.
Can they love him too as I love him? Where are they when he needs them? Where’s their love when they said they love and care about him?? They don't even knock his door. I'm so angry and torn about this...
And I wish it's only a nightmare and I will wake up soon and live in fairy tales world. I just wish that I have enough power and energy to through this.....please help me ya Allah...You are the one that I count for...

Friday, November 10, 2006

http://www.beliefnet.com/prayeroftheday

Prayers to Allah by need

Prayer for Depression,Healing,Hope,Violence & Disasters


Oh Allah!
I am your servant,
son of Your male servant,
and son of Your female servant;
my forehead is in Your Hand;
Your judgment is exact;
Your decision about me is just;
I ask You by every name of Yours which You have called Yourself,
or revealed in a Book of Yours,
or taught to any of Your servants,
or reserved within Your unrevealed Knowledge,
to make the Qur'an a spring to my heart,
a light in my chest,
that it removes my sadness,
and erase my anguish.

- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)

Prayer for Forgiveness


O God you are my Lord, there is none worthy of worship besides You. You created me and I am your servant, and I am on your path as best I can. I seek refuge in You from any evil I have committed. I confess to Your blessings upon me, and I confess to You my sins, so forgive me. Verily none forgives sins except You.

- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)

The Right Path

All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.
The Beneficent, the Merciful.
Master of the Day of Judgment.
Thee do we serve and Thee do we beseech for help.
Keep us on the right path.
The path of those upon whom Thou hast bestowed favors. Not (the path) of those upon whom Thy wrath is brought down, nor of those who go astray.

- Qur'an 1:1-6
source: The Holy Qur'an, translated by M.H. Shakir and published by Tahrike Tarsile Qur'an, Inc. in 1983

Oh God, You Are Peace

Oh God,
You are peace.
From you comes peace,
To you returns peace.
Revive us with a salutation of peace,
And lead us to your abode of peace.

- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)

Prayer for Protection, Stregth & Courage


O God, you are my Lord. There is none worthy of worship except You. I rely upon You, and You are the Great Lord of the Throne. Whatever God wills happens, and whatever He does not will does not happen. There is no power or strength except by God. I know that God is able to do anything, and that God knows all. O God I seek refuge in You from the evil in myself and every creature that You have given power over us. Verily my Lord is on the straight path.

- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)

Grant Us True Peace

O God! O our Master! You are eternal life and everlasting peace by Your essence and attributes. The everlasting peace is from You and it returns to You. O our Sustainer! Grant us the life of true peace and usher us into the abode of peace. O Glorious and Bounteous One! You are blessed and sublime.

Allahumma ya mowlana antas-salaam, wa minkas-salaam, wa ilaika yarjaus-salaam, haiyyina rabbana bis-salaam, wa adkhilna daras-salaam, tabarakta rabbana wa-ta'laita, ya zal jalali wal ikram

A Prayer for Brotherhood

The Believers are but a single Brotherhood:
So make peace and reconciliation between your two (contending) brothers;
and fear Allah, that ye may receive Mercy.

- Al-Hujurat 49:10
source: The Qu'ran

Protection for a Journey

In the name of Allah! I have placed faith in Allah and I have put full trust in Allah. It is as Allah wills! There is no strength and no power save with Allah.

O Allah! Protect me and protect what is with me, and deliver me to my destination. By Allah I commence my journey; by Allah I seek to accomplish the purpose of my journey; and by Muhammad (s.a.w.) I have set out. O Allah, make me overcome all; and make easy for me all difficulties; and give me more of goodness than I hope for; and keep away all evil of which I am apprehensive for my health, O the most Merciful.

Prayer for Right Behavior

In the name of Allah (I go out); I place my trust in Allah! O Allah, I seek refuge in You from being made to stumble, from straying and from being made to stray, from doing wrong to others and from being wronged by others, and from losing my temper with others, and their losing it with me.

- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
source: Remembrance and Prayer: The Way of the Prophet Muhammad, by Muhammad Al Ghazali (trans. Yusuf Talal DeLorenzo). (c) 1996. Used with permission of Amana Publications


Thursday, November 09, 2006

Finally I Move To Other Division

After I got sick and throw up in this division and jobless, Finally the legal letter about my replacement had published now, so I will move to other division, which I don't know yet that I will going to be better or not there. At least I can sharpen my brain, as I have a dull brain here...hahahahahaha, after 4 months rumor and I’ve already forgotten that thing. And I had made a joke about this. That when the decision legally made I may be already move out from there. A waste of letter David hopes and he also said that I will only be there for a little while longer...hahahahahaha...I hope so. Groovy..groovy...groovy…..


Slide of Me

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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Everybody is getting Curious

Hahahahahahaha, I want to laugh very hard to see them curious about me so much. They tried very hard to investigate me. I don't know what's the benefit for them to know about my life. May be they just like the fun of hearing my story, it's like a bed time story for them I guess or they are really concerned about me?? I don't know. And who knows. I just don't want to be something to make fun of anymore. Since it deals with my heart and they laugh in it, it will hurt me so much; I don't care if what I run is only a joke, dream or alien thing. I want them to put respect on it, if they only want to make fun of it, better for them to stay away and keep their mouth shut up.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Keloid Scars

I just got inspiration when I saw my toe scar and others that may exist on my body...
I have bad genetic in skin healing process I guess, every time I got injuries on my skin, they will left scars on my skin. I had have tried to take care that injury very careful but still left mark. It looks really bad, and now I have new keloid scar on my toe, and it still growing (It's not that bad like you saw on the net. It’s only a long line but it doesn't have the same flat like normal skin)...looks so horrible. I wish I can remove it...I wish I never had my toe surgery:(

What is keloid exactly? What Causes of keloid scars
http://menshealth.about.com/cs/blackhealth/a/keloid_scar.htm

It is not fully understood why or how keloid scars occur. Keloids occur from such skin injuries as surgical incisions, traumatic wounds, vaccination sites, burns, chickenpox, acne, or even minor scratches. Keloidosis is a term used when multiple or repeated keloids are produced. Skin and/or muscle tension seem to contribute to keloid formation and this is demonstrated by the most common sites of their formation (the upper arm and back). However if that was the full story you would expect that other sites, such as the palm of the hand or the soles of the feet to be just as vulnerable, but this is not the case. Infection at a wound site, repeated trauma to the same area, skin tension or a foreign body in a wound can also be factors.

There does appears to be a genetic component to keloid scarring. It is known that if someone in your family has keloids then you are at increased risk.
Other theories for the causes of keloid scarring include a deficiency or an excess in melanocyte hormone (MSH), decreased percentages of mature collagen and increased soluble collagen, or that very small blood vessels get blocked and the resulting lack of oxygen contribute to keloid formation.

Whilst the lack of a clear cut theory does demonstrate the lack of understanding of the condition, some work is being done to find the cause. Finding out the exact cause will hopefully mean better preventative medicine and more effective treatments in the future, but there are many problems with adequate follow up of people with the condition, lack of a clear cut-off from treatment and just too few studies in general hampering the search for a cure.

Most keloids will flatten and become less noticeable over a period of several years. They may become irritated from rubbing on clothing or other forms of friction. Extensive keloids may become binding, limiting mobility. They may cause cosmetic changes and affect the appearance. Exposure to the sun during the first year of the keloid's formation will cause the keloid to tan darker than surrounding skin. This dark coloration may become permanent.

For The Longest Time

I can't think straight, I simply can think about you, I get jam-packed of you...
Don't you get bored? I don’t, but I don't know about others or you, may be you get bored to death to be my writing subject. I think I have to consider writing a novel (Come on Eularia...Get real?!..Hahahahahaha). I’m drowning to a lake of you (so imaginative and ashamed…)…

Slightly I remember Billy Joel song and write this blog by hearing his song : For The Longest Time (smiling face on me...hehehehehe)

Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time

If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do, I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's where you found me, when you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time

Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time

I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you, and how you needed me too
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've been hoping to high
I’ve gone this far
And it's more than I'd hoped for

Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances, I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time

I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself, hold on to your heart
Now I know the woman that you are
You’re wonderful so far
And which more than I'd hoped for

I don't care what consequences brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad, I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time



I Love U

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Monday, November 06, 2006

Traffic Jam

I got stuck in traffic jam today, Jakarta is coming back..to normal again...
the traffic was so hectic and I saw many people along the street...
I had morning sick lately (I'm not pregnant....) and feel exhausted, and the traffic jam made it worse
I really need to be active again like before...need a lot of exercise. I really need that, so I can have sleep in good quality and feel fresh...

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Friday, November 03, 2006


Walking Stick....

I have borrowed Mrs. Nanik's Walking stick to help me standing today, so I don't have to put too much power on my right leg. What a nice tool...look like an old lady...hehehehe


Mas Aldi just brighter my day on my birthday with a bouquet of fruits...Thanks ya Mas Aldi...What a surprise.
I hope I will get another bouquet every time from him...yummy....

Sorrow

Everybody is out for lunch...and I'm alone here, nobody is here now...
Aldi just called me, ask me to go out. But I’m not in the mood at all
and my fucking computer really upset me, it's down again, this is the second hard disk already...
I'm using spare computer. And the speed is so slow, and I can't import/export my file from my email account to the new computer...fucking shit...I lost all data

I feel so overwhelming today, really upset me...wanna scream loud and hit something
I become so productive in anger today and also as blogger...Just write silly things in this blog….
I'm drowning in twilight zone I guess. with unpredictable destination

Need to have new spirit, new soul...go to mountain, go somewhere and hide there until you can't recognize yourself anymore...

My Birthday

Today is my birthday, hope my life is getting better and everything is going to be in a good way. Nothing special with it, get bored.....actually I feel sad, mad, upset, disappointed, I don't know. I just want to go home now and be in my room alone and cry.

The first one who gave me birthday greeting is Michell...my chat friend in Canada, i got email from him, when i checked my mail box yesterday, It have been so long we didn't contact each other, and then followed by my former boyfriend in the middle of the night (thought He will forget about my b'day after his last email to me), then Tika my bestfriend, then Tisa my cousin, then Mas Harry also my chat friend in Lampung (Germany before)...all through sms to my cellphone in the middle of the night (wake me up. actually I had no good sleep, or just closed my eyes. many things were bothering my mind,which I couldn't understand).


This morning, all my friends gave me birthday greeting and also David (he's home now after 1,5 months in hospital, today is his first day at home and alone there, must be tiring for him, hope he's happy to be home), We didn't talk a lot, problem with his network i guess or I don't know (I feel alone :(), and ...except from keluarga_kita (seem they forget about me).....and then everybody get busy with their own...

Just wanna go home now......

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Omah Sendok

We just had lunch together in Omah Sendok, nice atmosphere it has...
Yodie treated us in order of celebrating his goodbye to other division
we wish you luck and success always....

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

My Favorite Quote

"When you feel like giving up, just remember all the reasons why you held on to begin with."
Chasing Death

I feel exhausted. Thinking about death. Leaving this world and go to another world
I feel angry.....
I feel lonely.....
I feel unhappy.....
I lost my pride and faith.....
I am confused.....
I am so helpless and hopeless.....
I want to end all those feelings and feel nothing and am alone, just by myself


am I sick? Or Insane? Mentally disorder? B

Between life and death
I have to make decision about this....